Friday, February 13, 2009

V.D. Is Becoming A Pandemic- UPDATE

(this is another one that could potentially go in my other blog but as it concerns drinking and is more lighthearted I’ll put it here)

Didn’t go to the Las Vegas Twestival this Thursday (but it was for a good cause) and I’m debating going out for my co-worker’s birthday. I would but these are the problems with being sans vehicle, broke and not really wanting to hang out with roommate and one of his girls on Valentine’s Day Eve.

Which brings us to the topic at hand- Valentine’s Day.


Valentine’s Day (for those of you who missed the Hallmark inspired class about it in 2nd grade) is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other by sending overpriced cards (here, to help you poor, cheap, funny, procrastinating chumps) , spending money on flowers that don’t last or offering treats to fatten up your loved ones so they have no one else to go to. Maybe I’m just cynical. Who knows? It is really supposed to be a day of being with your loved one/ones and is full of joy and happiness.

It sucks. Actually, it has the dubious distinction of both sucking and blowing.

Now, it doesn’t necessarily have to suck. If you are in a relationship/ dating/ hooking up with a regular bus station skank, then this day can be awesome for you. It is full of long glances, hand holding and taking a fun-filled trip to the free clinic to pick up your meds to treat the special case of “love” you received from the aforementioned bus skank. Truly a beautiful day.

If you are single, it’s another tale entirely.

Usually you spend the day either commiserating with fellow losers…ehhh, I mean, loners who are also by themselves on this day. This can be fun if said loners are your pals and you are funny and/or confident enough to deal with the cheesy lovey-dovey things you are going to encounter.

Unfortunately, 7 times out of 10, your friends have the maturity and ability to actually convince and/or trick some poor soul into being with them. If this is the case, then you are going to have the bittersweet pleasure of either not hearing from that pal for the whole day or you will be witness to what you can’t get because of some deficiency in your stunted social skills. The worst, of course, is when your friend sucks worse than you and somehow manages to snag someone. Either way, sucks for you, buddy.


What does this have to do with drinking?

Simple really. Valentine’s Day is the day when the most alcohol is consumed. [citation needed] It’s a stone cold fact.

Think about it. Couples are sipping crates of champagne and other assorted boozes. Lonely people are having their“We Are Alone and (Angrily) Happy About That” parties with PLENTY of liks. Then you have the bar goers either drinking to forget their pain and find a hook-up or looking for people drinking their pain away to hook-up with them.

I, as you should all know by now, will be sober. Roommates are hanging out with their ladies. Not trying to hook-up and won’t drink.

So,if you are in a happy relationship, have a good time….lucky bastards. If you are single, drunkenly hook up with someone in my name. Just don’t find me if the person you thought you went home with isn’t the person you wake up with.

Oh, it happens.

Besides, you don't have to go back to work until Tuesday so just do as Ludacris does and keep it moving.
Fun times abound on a three-day weekend.

UPDATE- was told that maybe I was a tad negative and bitter in this one.
Well...Yeah. I was. Sue me.
Was tired after work and didn't exactly look forward to being alone on V-Day when I was missing someone.
Anyway, here's something more upbeat if you want. Enjoy yo'self!

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