Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!! Or is it Merry St. Patrick’s Day...I can never tell with these holidays.
Whatever. Welcome to another day where you have an excuse to get drunk.
St. Paddy's Day has the distinction of being my 4th favorite yet most hated drinking holiday. Before I come to how it accomplishes this miraculous dichotomous existence I guess I should give a quick run-down on my Top Three. My number one with a bullet drunky holiday is New Year’s Eve. Basically, a day to drink and forget about everything in the past year.
Yes. That’s correct. You are socially allowed to black out and be an ass for a night. Cheers.
My third favorite is Artbor Day. Drinking and trees just go together. But only wine. Drinking beer on this day is pretty low-brow, folks.
My second favorite holiday is Cinco de Mayo. It’s great strictly off the ignorance factor. Most people really don’t know what it is about and just use it as an excuse to drink.
I’ve heard that it is Mexican Independence Day. WRONG. That’s September 16th.
I’ve been told it’s a scam to move those extra bottles of Coronas. WRONG. Well, kinda wrong.
Cinco is actually an observance of the Mexican army beating the French at the Battle of Puebla in 1862. I know you are thinking "Big deal. Who hasn't beat the French? They haven't been hard since Napoleon, son." Well, the Mexican army beat them while hugely outmanned and outgunned. So it’s basically a party to celebrate Mexico’s version of 300. With sombreros.
Leonidas is Mexican and the Persians are the French. Work with me.
This is also one of the reasons why I like St. Paddy’s day. NO ONE (except the random official Irish people that you CANNOT understand). All right. I’ll tell you. It’s a celebration of St. Patrick’s death. He was the patron saint of Ireland. Why? I don’t know. I’m only Irish after 1 am, people. Anyway, it’s a celebration death day and feast day in his honor. We are having a giant drunken wake for the patron saint of Ireland.
HUUUUUGGGGGGGEEEEEE Boozehound. Like Mother Teresa
I also have this day as one of my favorite days because of drunk Irish girls. Excuse me. Lasses. Gotta love redheads, even with the pale skin. FIYAH!
Okay, let’s be honest here. I LOVE all drunk girls.
Now why do I hate this day? Simple. These dudes.
Every single year it seems I get into a fight/shoving match/altercation with Bostonians. Not that I have problems with Boston folks. One of my closest pals in college was from Boston. We get along fine most of the rest of the year, outside of baseball season. I even respect their comic dedication to their sports teams. It’s ridiculous but kinda cute.
But like clockwork, every year on the 17th I meet some dude that pronounces bar like “bah” and says “wicked” a lot and we get into a dust-ups. Hell, it happens even when I’m somewhat sober. I was on my way to the strip last year to meet up with Spin, Lazer, Rhinox, Maubz and Darth Fader, Dark Lord of the Fifth at the fabulous Imperial Palace. On my way there I got into a minor shoving match with this loudmouth Southie. The only thing that saved him was this small Asian man shaking his head at me, telling me to move on. Like Egg Shen. Without the booze and lightning.
On the plus side though, me and Spin did accomplish a day goal of killing a Heineken mini-keg.
We carried it like a boombox at times.
I realize this will probably happen anywhere I go. I’ll probably run into a random Boston dude in Dublin, Ireland saying car like cah (I mean I met a Brooklyn guy randomly in Tokyo-“Dude, I’m from Park Slope.”) The worst year was the one where I was almost stuck in Boston. Let’s not even start that trip down memory lane. Maybe it’s because I’m a black guy with an Irish name. Maybe that’s just asking for a fight? I don’t wear stupid buttons, hats, etc. though. Why do Celtics fans have a mad on for me on this day? Is it the “gravy-face”? Maybe I just need to work on my swing.
Anyway, have a great St. Pat’s Day and drink one for me.
As for me, I’ll be at Mcmullan’s Irish Pub just up the road for a few hours after work. Gotta get my nachos on but you can come for the Guinness and Sangria. My time there is dependent on if it is filled with crazies, if it is too smoky, if Vu-2 (an U-2 cover band) is performing or if I get involved in a Bean Town brawl. My money is on the latter but maybe I’ll enjoy the luck of the Irish this year.