Drunken Reminiscing

From like 6 or 7 years back, my boys in The Dugout performing an old hit(with a cameo by me at around the 3:15 mark). Good olde times.



Now back to nursing my minor furniture building, rum drinking hangover.....UGGGHHH!

My Favorite Fictional Lush Today- Hank Moody

When I wrote the Starbuck entry, I received some good feedback and suggestions for future entries to this category of my blog. (please leave comments, folks) One was from a Twitter friend and she nominated a character from a show I had never watched- Californication. She usually has good taste (except for liking LOST but, alas, we can't all be perfect like me) so I went to learn more. I rented the first season from my library and sat back to enjoy.

I was BLOWN AWAY.

Besides her character choice being perfect, the show itself was damn good. Good character development and dynamics in their relationships. They were flawed like real people and I was actually engaged by what was going on. (By the way, Hank Moody might be based on Henry Bukowkski, an alcoholic German American poet and author, who wrote a fair bit about Los Angeles)

So off of Knitwit983's recommendation, I present to you the bullet points on Hank Moody.

SPOILERS ABOUND.

HANK MOODY

Birth Name:Henry "Hank" Moody
Birth Date:Sometime in the 1960s
Birth Place: New York, NY
Occupation:Author/ Dad/ Philanderer/ Drinker

Californication revolves around Hank Moody. He is a writer and novelist who has had some success and even a film made out of one of his books. He, of course, hated the movie. Hank also happens to be a heavy drinker, sex addict and is suffering from writer's block. The writer's block has been going on for years since he moved out to the hedonistic paradise of Los Angeles.

Already I like Hank. Can see where if I didn't take steps and/or continue to take steps I could be Hank in the long run. But get to the nitty-gritty of Hank's "finer" points, antics and actions. I don't condone them all but it makes for good television.

- Continues to engage in hitting on his ex-girlfriend Karen while she is engaged to another man. Sometimes directly in front of dude (To be fair to Hank though, they have a kid together, her fiancee is a stiff, she only half-heartedly fights off his advances and she looks like this...)

Hot in a vaguely Eastern-Euro, rocker mom sort of way.

- Is actually a good dad to his daughter and will bend over backwards for her. While not lying to her about the realities of the world, he is protective.

- Pulls off that whole "white guy using sassy black guy/gal" talk very admirably. I usually am not a big fan of it but Duchovny actually sells those lines. I actually cracked up when he told his agent to "Kiss my black ass" and thanked the aforementioned fiancee by saying "That's mighty white of you." Good stuff.

- Sleeps around. A LOT. But isn't a complete asshole about it and is usually honest and upfront about it.

That's just how he rolls, yo.

- Had sex with a 16 year-old fan who punched him in the face quite a bit during the lovemaking. He didn't know how old she was and it turned out she was the daughter of his ex's new fiancee. Small world.

Gotta check I.D. like club bouncers, fellas.

- Saves aforementioned teen from a pervy schoolteacher. Okay, it was a set-up but he went to protect her anyway.

- Performed in a Devil's Threesome to help his pal get some from a lady while he was estranged from his wife who was having a lesbian affair with his assistant. That's a wingman for that ass.

- Reunited the same guy with his wife at the wedding of his ex and her new fiancee. Very painful but Hank pulled it off.

- Also, stopped the teenage daughter from ruining the day in her own drunken fashion and got punched in the process. (He did deserve it but still...)

- Writes a blog about his life and the deficiencies with society at large. KINDA familiar.

- Punched out a guy for calling his ex a "cunt" at a party after her fiancee did nothing. Maybe my favorite Hank moment.

- When his daughter had her first period, Hank fought with a couple in the middle of a store to get the last box of tampons. Hilarity but I nominate him for Father of the Year for that one. (He'll lose to Liam Neeson's character in Taken but he'll still get a nod from me)

Sure Hank has his flaws. He's a bit of a womanizer, snorts blow off a hooker's ass, forgot while he didn't call a woman back, became a pedophile (by accident) and can be so honest that it hurts. But he is trying to change and make things better for the people he cares about and is fiercely loyal. Hank may stumble along the way but he will ultimately attempt to do the right thing.

He is like Batman. Just drunker and with less gadgets or a homo-erotic relationship with a sidekick. (Then again I haven't seen the second season yet...)


He's the hero we deserve, but not the one we need right now.

My Favorite Fictional Lush Today- Starbuck

Before we begin the first of the My Favorite Fictional Lush Today series, I have to explain. Sometimes there are characters created who drink WAY more than any normal human should. Yet, they still have something, a je ne sais quoi if you will, that keeps us rooting for them. Not to necessarily clean their act up but to be the most AWESOME version of their character that they can be.

With that said I should also explain that I'm a HUGE sci-fi geek. Geek not nerd. There is a difference, people.

As long as it is good and not a lotta bs (I'm looking at you, LOST), I'll watch it or read it if it is sci-fi. Thus, I watch the most kick-ass sci-fi show on television right now, Battlestar Galactica. It works because it isn't just metal robots and shit blowing up (although it does have that) but because it is good drama. The issues are relevant and the characters are real and screwed up like actual people. If you haven't watched it before you should definitely check it out. (I got the mini-series and first season if you wanna borrow it)

On this show, the characters go up and down but some maintain certain habits and traits throughout. Whether it be stubbornness, determination or vast self-interest, all the characters have something going for them that makes you want to watch.
There are even a few drunk characters (although, to be fair, all of the cast has had their bouts with the bottles at one time or another).

Even Apollo.

I'm going to talk about my favorite drunk on the show right now and my first pick for Favorite Fictional Lush Today. (no worries- I'll get to the Tighs in due time)

POSSIBLE SPOILERS TO FOLLOW

STARBUCK

Birth Name:Kara Thrace
Birth Date:Either a long time ago or way into the future
Birth Place:Caprica (maybe)
Occupation:Viper Pilot/ Captain/ Fighter/ Frakker/ Drinker

Where to begin with the awesomeness that is Kara Thrace? Let's start at the beginning.....

Kara was an abused child. Her mom used to break her hands and she learned to accept pain as a way of life, which perhaps led to her alcohol abuse later in life. Her father was a M.I.A. musician which may have been why she got on that pole, son!

Joking.

Anyway, she trained and became the best pilot out there. She was a flight trainer and got the guy she loved killed. More drinking began. She was transferred to Galactica and spent most of her time, before the Cylons came back, gambling, smoking cigars, fighting, boozing it up and being sent to the brig.

Five minutes later, she punched someone and was in the brig.

She drinks Samuel L. Jackson beer (mmm, mmm, bitch), kicks ass and ask questions later. Here are just some of the reasons I adore Starbuck...

- Fights her Excutive Officer, Saul Tigh. Multiple times. (to be fair, he is a drunk also, and that never ends well)

- Humps everyone- Lee Adama, Zak Adama, Samuel Anders, Gauis Baltar, probably some more dudes in flight school and almost boned a Cylon.

- Plays sports well.

Don't even know the rules but I'm sure she could beat me in Pyramid.

- She is tough as hell. Crash landings, no air, fistfights, boxing, experimented on by Cylons, beats someone's ass with a bum leg, returns from the DEAD...Need I go on?

Harder to kill than Fiddy. Word.


- She thinks outside the box. She was stranded on a moon with poison air and figured out how to hotwire a Cylon Raider to get her ass home.

- Disobeys orders and gets an arrow that can show the way to Earth.

- Did I say she DIED already? Oh, yeah. She DIES and comes back with the map to Earth in her pristine Viper.

- Drinks out of a stein with a skull on it.

- Defends Helo to the Galactica crew when he says he is in love with a Cylon. (almost as good as being in love with a stripper- I see you, T-Pain)

- Gives Helo shit for being in love with a Cylon. (She's fair and balanced, like Fox News claims to be)

- Cleans up nice.

Okay it's Sackhoff but my point is still valid.

- Said "Bitch took my ride." Really.

- Will shoot a mofo in a minute. Ask Skulls' ass. She can do it all day.

- Will shank a mofo in a second.

Prepare to be shanked, you Cylon frak.

-Literally drank her husband under the table once.

- Everyone fears her.

- Those that don't fear her are either crazy messed up themselves (a Six, Tigh and Admiral Cain) or at least respect/love her (Adamas, Helo, Roslin).

- Is spiritual but not overly religious.

- Remembers all the pilots that were loss.

- No matter what, will get her shit together to fight the good fight.

So what if she is "The Harbinger of Death." Whatever that means. Please. You know how many times I get that a day? Even on Christmas?

CAN'T. EVEN. COUNT.

All in all, Starbuck is great.

Disagree and she will hit you.


Told you.

My Favorite Lush Today- Lily Allen

To go along with my usual non-"me not drinking" posts I decided to post entries about my favorite boozers every once in a while. This idea came about when I was talking with Heathcliff Huxtable* about my love for a famous singer and asked him if I should just post her or start something up a la the Chick of the Day/Song of the Day thing I do on twitter.

I said "Frak it. I'll do it."

So, without further ado or embellishments here is my first entry into My Favorite Lush Today (and the woman who inspired me to do it in the first place)....

LILY ALLEN

Birth Name:Lily Rose Beatrice Allen
Birth Date:May 2, 1985
Birth Place:London, England
Occupation:Singer / Performer /Drinker

I was going to write some long intricate sum up about her but a true lush that I love let's their drinking and actions speak for themselves. Especially Lily. I would probably marry this chick if I wasn't already promised to another. She is like a cooler, cuter Amy Winehouse without the whole drugged-out, crackhead thing.

Why she is my choice-
- makes out with chicks. lesbian twin chicks
- will fight a broad
- hangs with kate moss and lindsay lohan. do I really have to go into this...
- gets nekkid (even though she really doesn't have the body to do it she has the drunk gusto to say "Fuck it. I'm losing me clothes.")
- is a fan of britney spears (because anyone blond or blond at one time is a fan of her)
- hates Perez Hilton (as do I)
- she wears crazy hats

"I do hope Sean likes my ridiculous hat."

Yes, it looks like all possible negatives but she balances it out with helping others. She supports the FoodBank of NYC, The Lunchbox Fund, Mines Advisory Group, and did some songs and is touring to support WarChild. She fights against hunger and for at-risk youth and weapons reduction.


She's like Superman. Just shorter, cuter and, possibly, tipsy.

Sure, she forgot some songs at these benefit concerts probably due to drinking but come on. I mean, what did YOU do today? That's all I'm saying

Plus, she is honest, which is rare in this day and age. Especially from famous people.

Ok.
Maybe she's too honest.
She doesn't watch her mouth. At. All. Enjoy her thoughts on the following subjects-

drinking- I'm not defending my drunkenness because I don't need to, I'm 23 it was an awards ceremony I drank the free champagne. How awful of me.

this was of course after she said this to Elton John(who she loves) the previous night- Fuck off Elton, I'm 40 years younger than you, I have my whole life ahead of me.

coke- You never hear the good things about taking cocaine ... the only story is that drugs are bad and they will kill you - you will become a prostitute, a rapist or a dealer. But that's not true. I know lots of people who take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work. But we never hear that side of the story. I wish people wouldn’t sensationalize it. Some people are just bad at taking drugs.
(whoa. that last line just, like, blew my mind)

Christianity- I don’t like Christianity much. I was brought up in a Catholic school and they told me gays, adultery and drugs were bad. All my mum’s friends were gay, my dad was having affairs and there were drugs in the house when I was a kid, so it was a bit cruel.

anal sex- I was with mum, dad, his wife and my sister. We were all sitting round and I said my nipples really hurt today.' My dad's wife said maybe you're pregnant. I said no I'm not pregnant and my dad went: 'Are you telling me you and your boyfriend haven't had sex?' I said: 'Well yes but I didn't think you could have sex by having it in the bum bum!
("with mum, dad, his wife and my sister"? and she said "bum bum". That's wild business, Lil- can I call you Lil?)


Trust me. This could have been a WORSE pic.

Kate Perry- I have Katy Perry’s number, someone did me a favor. I’m just waiting for her to open her mouth one more time then it hits Facebook. (I have to say I like Katy Perry but Lily's short Wolverine ass would probably take her if they shot the fair one)

See? Y'all both like kissing girls. Y'all should be BFF, Lil.


Paris Hilton- People like her are useless ... She's hideously untalented. Her music is auto-tuned. You can hear it. I know because my sister saw her in Ibiza and said it was the worst thing she had ever heard. I worked for two and a half years writing my album ... I find it hideous that she's come in and not worked for it at all.

Madonna- I haven't got anything against her at all but she hasn't done anything since the early eighties that has been like 'wow'. She might have meant something once but I don't know anyone my age who cares. (sorry, sis)

Mumm-Ra, drop the kid. Oh. My bad, Madonna. Proceed.

Pussy Cat Dolls- They're too skinny, takes all their clothes off, don't say anything, promote womanizing and look like lapdancers as far as I’m concerned. It's a really bad message to be sending young women. And not just for young women - but for young men. For them to believe that that’s what women are like in real life in such a hideous concept to sell to people. It's just terrible.
(note- I post this because I like to believe I'm a feminist like Lilz and I like curves, dammit, but I would still holler at like 1/2 of that crew)

You know who you are, ladies....

Lily Allen, you are awesome, my dear. I'm a fan of you and your drunky, spunky ass. Keep remaking songs, doing charity work, boozing it up and keep dropping gems like the ones above.

You'll always have a special place in my heart, girl.



* Obviously, fake name.